8 clear signs that a man is not that interested in you, according to psychology | Janet Ong Zimmerman

Ladies, we purposely convince ourselves that deciphering a man’s true interest is a challenging mystery, but it’s not. There is one thing you need to pay attention to in order to know with total clarity if a guy likes you, cares about you and wants a life with you.

Pay attention to his actions, not his words. Knowing if a guy likes you is really that simple, and that’s what makes it so hard (read: scary) at the same time. Instead of constantly asking yourself, “Does he like me?” being aware of the actions will save you time and heartache.

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Here are 8 clear signs, according to psychology:

1. Late night texts are the norm

He texts late at night and wants to meet up. You look good for a prey call, but nothing more, as supported by tips from Berkley University Health Services.

2. It feels like a series of links

You only have short conversations or text messages to decide what to do or where to meet.

A guy who likes you wants to spend his free time with you and get to know who you are. You will hear from him between the times you see each other. He will eagerly introduce you to his friends and family. A study from International Psychogeriatrics The partnership proves that he will treat you with respect if he likes you.

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3. You spend most of your time together between the sheets

I’m sorry, but his behaviors and actions tell you loud and clear that he’s not totally into you, as explained by intimacy theory research published by Journal of Social and Personal Relations. It has one foot in and one foot out. Many women make the mistake of trying to do and be more in hopes of making a man like them more. But the signs are already there and things will not change.

4. He always disappears

He disappears between dates and you have no idea where he goes.

A study of the effects of relational uncertainty from Personal Relations diary it suggests that even if you can’t put your finger on it, you should listen to any gut feelings you have when words and actions don’t add up or align. If you’re not honest with yourself, you’ll spend weeks, months, and years with the wrong men in relationships that aren’t right for you (and never were in the first place).

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5. He keeps his options open

Even if you get along and have a great time, he still wants to keep his options open in case someone better comes along. He demonstrates a lack of commitment and damages the stability of the relationship, according to a study from The Journal of Family Psychology. It’s hard because he might say things you want to hear, and he might talk lightly into your mind, causing you to overanalyze, make excuses, and overlook obvious red flags in his behavior .

It’s hard because if you feel like you’re running out of time or you’re not going to meet anyone better, you’re more likely to think that empty promises mean he’s sticking around. It takes courage to resist letting his words mean what you want them to mean, rather than seeing what his actions are telling you.

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6. You haven’t met his people

He keeps his life compartmentalized – he’s reluctant to introduce you to his family and friends (or you haven’t met them). A study in Research journal of social indicators demonstrates how social inclusion of family and friends is crucial in healthy relationships.

7. He makes himself a priority and you an afterthought

Don’t let your mind rationalize its actions or convince you to be okay with behavior that leaves you feeling like an afterthought. Feeling known in a relationship is vital, as a study shows Journal of Experimental Social Psychology.

8. He treats you badly and blames you when things go wrong

Behaviors and actions don’t lie. Words are not truth. When you pay attention to a guy’s behaviors and actions, you will quickly learn how he feels about you. Your mind may try to rationalize its actions or convince you to go along with being treated badly. The Gottman Institute tells us that in healthy relationships there is a five to one ratio of good to bad interactions. But your body will tell the truth and you will feel that something is wrong.

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So what do you do if you’ve fallen for a guy who says the right things, but his actions don’t match? Leave now. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking, “If only I had…” Don’t spend hours talking to your girlfriends about what you should do.

By leaving, you’re making room for a man whose words, behaviors, and actions indicate he’s really into you. Instead of rushing to find love, pace yourself, let things unfold naturally, and pay close attention to how your body feels around the men you date.

His actions speak louder than his words when he cares about your well-being. His words match his actions, his actions consistently indicate that you’re a priority, and he’s excited to get to know you as a person (not just an intimate partner).

Most importantly, be kind and compassionate to yourself. It takes time to find the right one for you. Just wait patiently and see; notice the signs when a guy isn’t into you. By doing so, you will move on faster and be available to a man whose behaviors and actions clearly show that he is completely interested in you.

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Janet Ong Zimmerman is a dating and relationship coach, founder of Love for Successful Women, and creator of the course Woo: 9 Juicy Ways to Bring Out a Man’s Desire to Woo You. She helps successful women find the love they want.